All I Can Give
by sparklylulz
Summary: Or: Four Instances in Which Puck & Berry Sang to Each Other Without Realizing it and the One Time They Sang Together. -Puckleberry. [Abandoned]
1. finale b

**A/N: Yeah, I'm the world's worse to start shit and not finish it, but I actually have this mapped out, and it's only 5 chapters, so that's fairly simple. In essence this is set after season one and takes place during the next semester. The first chapter should explain it. I've missed writing Puckleberry, just because it's so much fun, so here you are, the first installment.**

**Bold- boys**

Plain- girls

–

_**'all i can give'**_

_'finale b'_

–

Rachel Berry was happy. Her life had been going wonderfully since the end of the previous school year. She was now dating Finn Hudson, the man of her dreams, she actually had people she could call friends and she was finally going to be an upperclassman. Her outlook on her high school career had changed drastically, and now she no longer feared walking down the halls or hearing vicious comments. Though Finn was not as popular as he had been a year previous, he was still quarterback and that gained himself and Rachel respect from the rest of the student body. So, in essence, Rachel's life was perfect.

That is, when she wasn't thinking too much. If she actually sat and thought about everything she started to find holes in her happy and perfect life. Sure, Finn was a good boyfriend, but she could tell that when she spoke to him about anything his eyes would glaze over and he wasn't paying attention. A large majority of the time she felt as if he only wanted her to touch her boobs. However, she forced herself to remember that he was a gentlemen and all the things he had done for her... except, what _had_ he done for her, really? He'd accompanied her to the doctor once and sang to her, but he had never really _done_ anything for her.

Most days she preferred to pretend that she felt as sunshiney and warm as it was outside, but when night came and she was all alone she started getting a sick sensation that had nothing to do with her bodily health.

Today was the first day of the new school year, though, and she promised herself she would try to be happier. It was, after all, the first glee club meeting of the year and she was bursting with ideas for this year's sectionals. She would make sure they won nationals just to spite her mother and Jesse St. James. She was going to be a star and this year would be the year that she would shine.

"Rachel!" The first voice she heard in the new year was that of Tina Cohen- Chang. The goth girl was waving Rachel over to her locker. Rachel smiled wide at the Asian girl and the fact that this year she actually had someone to talk to in the halls.

"Hello Tina, how're you today?" She asked politely as Tina opened her locker to hang her new Ozzy Osbourne poster.

"I'm good, but I wanted to let you know that Mr. Schue told Artie that he had a fun new idea for us to try out this afternoon." She rolled her dark eyes and shot Rachel a half smile. Rachel understood what Tina was trying to convey about Mr. Schuester's message.

"Oh great, I sure hope this is better than the whole 'bad reputation songs' idea he had." Rachel said, rolling her dark eyes too, for good measure. Tina laughed and nodded, "I know right? Well, I just wanted to let you know. I gotta go meet Artie before chemistry, talk to you later, Rach!" She said and turned to walk towards the West entrance of the building.

As Rachel turned to walk to her first period class, she smiled slightly at her conversation with Tina and only then remembering that she hadn't spoken to Finn all day but something distracted her from that thought as she turned to look at a spot directly parallel to her position in the hall. Noah Puckerman was looking at her, his dark eyes seemed full of something she couldn't describe.

He was a different person after the birth of Beth. He'd kept a low profile all summer, never hanging out with the glee kids or Finn. After his fall from grace, Rachel assumed he just felt unwanted with anyone. However, she'd not heard one story about his rather promiscuous lifestyle over the summer. He seemed to be working everyday at a mechanic's shop on the outskirts of town and Rachel found that rather inspiring.

Though his lifestyle had changed for what seemed the better, he was no more than a zombie these days. The loss of his first child coupled with the harsh rejection from Quinn seemed to have driven the last nail into the coffin, so to speak. It seemed that Rachel was the only one to notice. Finn didn't even look at Noah and no one else really noticed him. Rachel felt a pang of sadness for the misunderstood boy who had once worn his mohawk and badass attitude like a king. He dropped his eyes from hers and closed his locker gently, turning to walk away from her, as if every step pained him.

"Hey baby!" Rachel knew that greeting as she'd heard it nearly everyday of the summer. She turned and plastered on her biggest, fakest smile to see Finn walking towards her. He hadn't changed for the most part, the only difference was he seemed to have gotten taller, if that was even possible, and a shade darker.

"Hello, Finn, how're you today?" She asked while he took the books in her arms. He slung a long arm around her shoulders and she became acutely aware that it was like he was stamping her forehead with a giant 'PROPERTY OF FINN HUDSON.' She looked up at him and he kissed her once before walking her towards Honors English III.

"I'm good, I went to see Coach about our first game. This year's gonna be our year, I can feel it." He smiled that large, dopey smile of his and Rachel tried not to roll her eyes.

"Of course it is." She said, though she knew that pigs would fly before the WMHS football team ever became state champions. He seemed happy enough with her answer and gave her a brief one armed hug outside of her classroom before he dashed off to meet Mike and Matt.

Rachel sighed to herself before turning to enter her classroom. She knew she was early, so she scanned the room to find Noah sitting in the back. Before she had really made the decision she was moving through the room towards him. He looked up at her briefly before turning his attention back to the blank white board in the front of the room.

"Good morning, Noah." She said gently, sitting next to him, pulling her binders out and her color coordinated pens.

"Morning, Berry." His rough voice said in a tone that sounded completely distant. She found it a little comforting that he still called her 'Berry,' it meant that some reminisce of the old Noah was in that hollow shell somewhere. He seemed to be comfortable in silence, so she let him be and found her self contented with the silence also.

That afternoon found all twelve members of glee sitting in front of their fearless leader, William Schuester. Rachel was front and center, just like always, but this time found Finn Hudson's arm around her. Mr. Schue seemed to be bouncing with happiness as he wrote on the board in big, black letters, like they couldn't read normal print, "SECTIONALS" and "RENT". Both words had Rachel smiling with excitement. She had hoped they would tackle RENT, it was one of her suggestions for the new year's repertoire.

"So, it's a new year, and I've missed you guys over the summer, but now we've gotta start getting ready for this year's sectionals." He started his spiel in his normal "I-Am-A-Teacher" voice and every member looked to him. "I've decided that one of the songs we'll be considering for sectionals is 'Finale B' from RENT." Rachel smiled to herself as he handed out the sheet music and began writing on the board once more.

"RENT really is the story of a collection of misfits who bond together over nothing but their own diversity and love, which really tells the story of who you guys are. So I've split up parts accordingly: Mark will go to Puck, Roger and Mimi will be Finn and Rachel respectively, I'd like Mercedes to take Joanne, Tina to sing Maureen's parts, Kurt to be Angel, Artie to take Collins, and Matt to take Benny. I hope everyone else is comfortable singing some back up for this number." Rachel smiled, while she preferred Maureen, Mimi was a big role and she would enjoy the music. Everyone seemed happy with line up and they all stood to sing.

Rachel found herself between Noah and Finn, they were so close she could feel the heat from Noah's arms and heard as he cleared his throat ever so slightly to begin singing.

"_There is no future  
There is no past__" _

His voice was the same, at least, she thought as it washed over her ears and made her smile and move closer to him subconsciously. She felt him shift next to her and was brought back to the reality of the song by Finn's voice breaking into her train of thought as he sang Roger's lines.

"_Thank God this  
Moment's not the last"_

Finn had a nice voice, it suited him, but he never had the raw emotion or power that Noah had. Rachel felt him smile at her in a cue for both of them to start singing together, just like old times, except this time she didn't feel as right as she used to with his voice.

"_There's only us  
There's only this  
Forget regret or  
Life is yours to miss"_

While she sang she found herself looking at Noah, realizing that this was what she wanted him to hear. That things would get better, that he was wanted, and that she still cared about him. Without letting anyone else see, she slipped her fingers into his and squeezed. The only sign of recognition he gave was to stroke her finger lightly before dropping her hand.

Everyone began to sing and it was just like the first day when everyone realized how much of a difference they could make with just their voices melting together to make something that was bigger than any of them. Mercedes' voice carried beyond the rest and washed over the room with all it's power and attitude.

"_No other road, no other way  
_

_No day but today."_

The girls stepped forward and linked hands to sing their piece, while the boys alternated from behind them on the bright stage.

"I can't control

**Will I lose my dignity?**  
My destiny

**Will someone care?**  
I trust my soul

**Will I wake tomorrow**  
My only goal

**From this nightmare?**"

Rachel was smiling now as she watched Mr. Schue being blown away by them once more and she felt Finn step behind her, taking her hands into his and spin her as they kept up the verse with more passion than before.

"Is just to be  
Without  
You

**There's only now**  
The hand gropes

**There's only here**  
The ear hers

**Give into love**  
The pulse beats

**Or live in fear**  
Life goes on

**No other path**  
But I'm gone

**No other way**"

Suddenly the men shifted and Rachel felt another set of hands on her hips. The were warm hands that she remembered from a long time ago in a warm bedroom with The Cure playing the background and the smell of cinnamon. Noah was holding her and next to her Finn was holding Tina as the climax of the song came.

"'Cause I die

**No day but today**  
Without you  
I die without you

**No day but today**  
I die without you

**No day but today**  
I die without you

**No day but today**  
I die without you

**No day but today**  
I die without you  
**No day but today**"

The girls stepped back between the boys and the members linked hands before all stepping forward together to sing the last line together.

"_No day but today."_

Rachel squeezed Noah's hands as Mr. Schue clapped for his favorite students and smiled brightly at all of them as they all went back to their seats from before, waiting further instruction from him. Rachel had never heard the club sound better, they were just singing to sing again that was what felt perfect and right to all of them.

"That was _phenomenal_ guys! That's definitely a number for sectionals. I have another idea for the duet number this year, and I know you guys like a healthy competition, but this time without the drugs, if you don't mind." He said and the glee clubbers chuckled that that disastrous week from the previous year. "I've paired you all and I want you to come up with a duet and the best will be preformed at sectionals." She was aware that he would not partner her with Finn, for which she was thankful. It seemed silly that that would have upset her a year ago but now she wanted to try her artistic talent with someone else.

"So who're the pairs, Mr. Schue?" Kurt asked, voicing what everyone else in the club wanted to ask. Mr Schue smile and flipped the board over, where all their names were written.

"I'd like Artie and Finn together, Tina and Mike, Matt and Santana, Mercedes and Quinn, Kurt and Brittany, and Rachel and Puck." He said and everyone looked around. Rachel felt a slight pulse of fear and excitement course through her. She loved singing with Noah, as two Jews their voices just seemed to compliment each other's perfectly. It was time for the end of practice and Mr. Schue smiled at all of them again, "So it can be any song, given it's appropriate, I don't care if it's a musical number, a mash up, whatever you want. You'll get two weeks to prepare and then I want to see all of your numbers. I'd also like everyone to work on a solo number for next meeting, just for fun! I'll see you all tomorrow."

Everyone began to slowly get to their feet and move towards the door, Finn looked a little troubled and Rachel knew why. He didn't want her anywhere near Noah. He failed to see that she was nothing like Quinn, which irritated her more than anything.

"I gotta go to football, baby, I'll call you tonight." He said gently, kissing her cheek and walking away with Mike and Matt towards the field. Rachel just nodded and turned to walk home from the parking lot. She heard the auditorium door close behind her and knew who it must be.

She turned to face him, a genuine smile lighting her features.


	2. about rain

**A/N: Now we get to see Puck's point of view. This is more angsty and full of cursing, but hey, it's Puck, right? The song Puck sing's is one of my absolute favorites, it's beautiful and thought it sort of fit Puck in a way. I also had SO MUCH FUN writing Puck's meltdown, I was cackling evilly the whole time :)**

–

_**'all i can give'**_

_'about rain'_

–

All Noah Puckerman wanted in life was to get the fuck out of Lima, Ohio. He'd wanted that since his dad had run off on his mom and left a completely broken family in his wake. Puck hated his dad more than he'd ever hated anyone, and that included Rachel Berry in middle school. He just wanted to move on, and he knew that if he was somewhere that no one knew him or his deadbeat father he'd probably be able to function better. As it was, he had nothing left to function for.

His baby was safe in the arms of another person, someone that could give her a life he couldn't even dream of. For a long time he hadn't let himself even think of the perfect little girl he'd given away, because it literally hurt to breathe. Now he had learned to control that pain and channel in other ways, like work or music. Beth was everything he had ever wanted, but she never was his, she was Finn's and Quinn's even if Finn wasn't the father, everyone had wished he was- except Berry. Berry had understood what an irritating couple Finn and Quinn made and had actually done something about it.

He was just happy that he was one year closer to graduation. He didn't need a girl friend for jack shit, and one day he'd be far from this small town and onto whatever life threw at him next. Just as long as it wasn't in Lima, where he was miserable. The only thing he had to look forward to now was glee club, fuck football, he was done with those over sized idiots. He ground his teeth as he pushed the doors open to go home when he spotted that fucking small body leaning against the brick building.

Rachel Berry turned to look at him, her long dark hair whipped around and he saw her eyes soften a small smile spread across her features. That face used to irritate him to no end, but he'd sort of gotten used to her now, and had learned to tolerate her, and even like her presence sometimes. Rachel was just the sort of person that understood people. Sure, she annoyed the shit out of them, but she understood what they were thinking and feeling. It was sort of creepy.

"What're you doing, Berry?" He asked gruffly, trying to tell himself he didn't care what the fuck she was doing. She just continued to smile at him in that infuriating way, before she finally opened her mouth to speak.

"I was just beginning my walk home." She said, and he looked at her. Was she an idiot? It looked like a tornado was going to come at any damn moment, and Rachel could not take on a tornado, no matter how stubborn she might be. He shook his head an made his decision before he could think too much about it.

"Like hell you are, it's about to come a fucking monsoon, Berry. Come on, I'll take you home." He said, not giving her a say in the matter by pulling her along by her hand. As soon as the words had left his mouth he felt rain drops splatter on his face and exposed hands. She didn't look like she was going to argue, but you never knew anything when it came to Rachel. He opened the door to his cab for her and she slid across and he followed her.

The truck was filled with silence for a few minutes, and he thought that was weird, but Rachel wasn't exactly who she used to be either. Her relationship with Finn had changed a lot about her personality. She wasn't as loud or as talkative and she didn't always use bigger words when he was around. It made Puck sad in a weird way to realize that part of her being had died. She looked over to him, and he could feel her calculating his appearance.

"We'll have to talk about our song sometime. I want something that we both like." She said gently, using a lot less words that she would have last year. He guessed that this year brought a change in everybody.

"Sure, whatever you want is fine." He said softly, twiddling with the air conditioner. She looked out the window at the cloudy sky and sighed. He felt for her, she was probably frustrated with him, but he couldn't do a whole lot about that. He was who he had become and it probably wouldn't ever change. Not anytime soon, anyways.

"You've changed, Berry." He said suddenly as he looked at her again. It was true. Gone were the skirts that haunted his darkest wet dreams. They had been replaced by jeans and an ordinary tshirt. Something that Rachel starface Berry would have never worn in any lifetime. She smiled sadly at him and reached up to touch his face as he put the truck in park.

"So have you, Noah. I guess we all just grew up over the summer." She spoke, her fingers dropping from his stubbly chin. He was looking at her intensely trying to pinprick just what it was that was different about her. He thought perhaps it was the loss of sparkle from her eyes that she used to have.

"Do you want to come in?" She asked, and he almost said yes, but then an image flashed through his mind. A blonde girl beneath him on a couch below a picture of Jesus... he snapped himself out of his flashback and shook his head at her, while she opened the door to step out into the rain and collect her bag.

"Nah, I gotta get to work, I'll see you around, Berry." He spoke firmly as she shut the door and waved goodbye to him. He waited until she got to the door and drove to work.

A year ago he was cleaning pools and fucking cougars, now he was working a parts store and trying not to fuck anything. He did not want a repeat of what had happened in May. He just wanted to save up enough to get through college and then go on with life, forgetting that sophomore year had ever happened.

As he pulled on his jumpsuit he wore when fixing cars he felt his pocket vibrate. He pulled his phone out with a look of surprise.

**New Text Message**

_Berry*: Thanks for the ride, Noah. 4:30 p.m._

He smiled a little then, because it was so like Berry to have to thank someone for something. He put his phone on the shelf and maneuvered himself under a beat up Taurus to change the oil. He enjoyed working on cars because it was mind numbing. Everything had a place, everything fit. He didn't have to think about babies or school or Quinn Fabray who had broken his heart.

He loved her, he had always loved her, from the moment he had first seen her he had known she was the one. Only, she wasn't. She didn't want him, or anything to do with him. Especially after she had his baby, and she made that very clear. He was just a Lima loser and an asshole who got her pregnant, he was not her boyfriend or soulmate. Not that he could blame her, he wasn't exactly the most spectacular dude. Still, he tried to right by her, he just sort of sucked at knowing right from wrong most days. But, she wasn't the best person either.

Quinn had gone on a mission trip that summer to Mexico, almost as soon as she could. She wanted to get away from him and he knew that. That didn't mean it didn't suck to know that she was trying to get rid of him, trying to move on and pretend she had never said "I love you" to him. He hated her now, and he hated himself for letting that ice queen get the best of him.

Suddenly, his solo for the following day seemed to fall into place. It was a song he'd discovered during his many hours of being forced to listen to every song on the XM radio at work. He liked the lyrics and knew it was exactly what he wanted to say to Quinn. Maybe then he'd finally be rid of her, for once and for all.

When the following morning came, he woke at 6 a.m. like always and after showering he headed towards his truck. He could feel the water droplets still clinging to his short grown out hair. He had decided that the mohawk, while almighty in it's badassness, was seriously not good for trying to impress future employers. Now his hair was short and dark brown, he never really did anything to it, he wasn't fucking Finn Hudson.

The morning was foggy because of the previous night's rain, and he was feeling a little jumpy about his solo that afternoon. His eyes were trained to look for Rachel Berry, as much as he hated it. First it had been to throw slushies on her and now... well now, he didn't even know why the fuck he cared what she was doing or thinking. Seriously, she was crazy and everyone who had ever stood in a ten foot radius of her could literally smell the crazy wafting off her knee socks.

Except, she didn't wear those knee socks that looked like they were made for twelve year old soccer players anymore. She was pretty chill too, at least her bitching and slave driving in glee seemed to have burned out. She was trying to fit in now that she had the coolest guy in school on her arm, but that didn't mean Puck was fucking blind. He could see the way her face fell into a frown when she thought no one was looking or the irritated expression that would flash across her features when Finn ignored her. No, Finn Hudson was not what she needed at all.

"Yo, Puckerman, I want a word." Puck had to fight the urge to role his eyes so much it physically pained him. A giant Finn Hudson was storming down the hall towards him, looking like someone had kicked his favorite puppy.

"What do you want, Frankenstein?" He asked sharply. He was finished trying to be the good guy when it came to his ex best friend. It obviously wasn't getting him anywhere. Finn's scowl grew more pronounced as he stopped in front of Puck.

"Artie said he saw Rachel climb into your truck yesterday. I don't know if you don't learn from your mistakes or if you're just fucking stupid, dude, but she's _mine_. So leave her alone." Finn seethed, poking Puck in the chest. The Jewish boy suddenly felt his blood boil, and pushed the boy in front of him into a locker, not caring that the boy in question was twice his size.

"You listen to me, Finn, I tried to be your friend after I fucked up. I was an ass and what I did was shitty, but I tried to do right by Quinn, but all she ever fucking wanted was you. To have _your_ goddamn babies, not mine. And if it wasn't already obvious, Rachel has shown she wants your tiny dick at least a thousand times, so don't bitch at me over your insecurity issues. She's my partner for a glee assignment, so don't get your granny panties in a twist." He said angrily, releasing the giant and stepping back from him, turning to leave for Civics. "Oh, and Finn, Rachel's a big girl, she can decide who she wants. She's not a toothbrush, you can't own her." He finished and turned to storm off, feeling relieved for the first time in nearly a year.

He felt himself brush past a frozen Rachel as she stood in the hall observing everything that had just happened. Her eyes were wide and she clearly had shocked plastered across her face, but Puck couldn't stop to say anything to her because he already wanted to punch things. The last thing he needed at that moment was a lecture from Rachel Berry.

He was sitting in his Civics class listening to a boring debate between two classmates over the idea of cellphones in the classroom. Ironically, he felt the phone in his pocket vibrating as his team droned on and on about why cellphones should be banned. He pulled his own out and opened it.

**New Text Message**

_Berry*: I heard what you said to Finn in the halls, and while it was crass and incredibly offensive, I'd like to thank you for what you said about me. 9:05 a.m._

Yeah, of course she'd use words like 'crass' and 'offensive' in a text message, it sort of bugged Puck that he actually liked that about her. He continued to stare at the bright screen while remembering the days he'd spent on her bed while she sang in the bathroom mirrors. The way she liked to dominate when she kissed him. He snapped himself out of it and looked at the keys.

_Puckerone: its cool, berry. i meant it. 9:08 a.m._

He didn't have to wait a full minute before he flipped open her reply.

_Berry*: I was thinking, we need to practice our duet soon. How about this Friday? 9:09 a.m._

_Noah: ok. sounds good. see you in glee, crazy. 9:11 a.m._

He spent the rest of the day trying not to look forward to glee and the Friday he'd be spending in the presence of Rachel Berry. The day seemed to drag by in the slowest passage of time since the nights spent on Noah's Ark. Finally, however, glee rehearsal arrived and he was first to make it to the choir room.

Soon, everyone else began filing in. First came Matt and Mike, both talking about some stupid T.V. show they'd watched the night before. Next were Santana, Quinn, and Brittany discussing the newest diet supplements; they were followed by Kurt, Mercedes, Artie and Tina who seemed to be trying to decided who they liked better, Edward or Jacob. Finn entered the room next, determinately not looking at Puck. Last to arrive was Rachel, a small smile on her face as she sat in the front row. Mr. Schue entered the room and took his teacher stance once more.

"Alright! So who's ready to preform?" He asked, a big smile on his face. Of course Rachel was the first to go with singing some song from Beauty and the Beast. Her voice still over powering every single other members, and when she went to sit down several gleeks clapped for her.

Next to sing was Artie with an awesome cover of Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young," for which he got a standing ovation by Mr. Schue. Artie might be the nerdiest kid ever, but dude had a set of pipes that Puck would kill someone for.

Quinn volunteered to go next, and Puck found himself curling his hands into fists as she sang "Love Story" by some lame girly singer. Puck felt himself actually seething at his baby momma's blatant smugness directed at Finn. Finn, didn't seem to mind, though because he was practically assaulting Quinn with his eyes. Puck ground his nails into his palm even more as he glared at the opposite wall.

Finally, everyone had gone but himself and he stood, carrying his guitar to the front of the room, and Mr.8 Schue was not the only one who looked surprised when he told the band to sit down. He just needed his guitar and guts, and he hoped he could count on the latter. He began stroking his guitar and suddenly he was performing, pouring passion into his words.

"_I hope you like dancing in the rain,  
I'll spin you around and pull you back to me  
I sure am glad you wore that dress, it reminds me of the night that we first met.  
Don't you love the evenings in July, when I'm staring at you, with my blue eyes?  
We could be fine. We could be fine, fine, fine."_

He sang evenly raising his eyes to look at everyone in front of him. He had images flash into his mind as the words fell from his lips. A little girl in a green dress; catching fireflies on the fourth of July; arguing with a beautiful girl to get out of the rain. He pushed past the pain he felt coursing through him to sing the next verse.

"_So roll the windows down and put the car in drive,_

_it's starting to rain a little bit outside. _

_And I've had you on my mind for some time." _

He had originally meant this song for Quinn, but somehow his eyes and thoughts had sought another girl. A girl with big, beautiful eyes and chocolate lock of hair that were always shiny and smelled like peaches. A girl who had the voice of an angel and the fierceness of an eagle. A girl who was sitting to his right, watching him with those wide, dark eyes.

"_Why did you go? Why did you leave? _

_I can't forget about you and me. _

_But now, I'm letting go."_

His voice shook ever so slightly as she gazed at her, and moved his fingers to form the correct chords to match his voice. He could see surprised looks on everyone's faces. No one would have thought he'd pick an obscure song, he was sure. They thought that he's want something racy and as Rachel put it, '_crass and incredibly offensive._' As he sang his way through the chorus again he felt himself relax before turning his pain and head to face another girl.

"_Why did you leave? Why did you go?_

_And take my love with you down to Mexico? _

_You didn't bring it back, _

_like you promised."_

His voice didn't shake as he looked at Quinn Fabray, finally telling her everything he had been holding within himself for the past six months. He strummed the strings with more vigor as he continued the solo.

"_And God forbid that I forgive you again, _

_God forbid, Oh heavens, God forbid. _

_I won't fall for your games."_

He meant it, too. He would never allow himself to love Quinn Fabray again. He wouldn't let her run his life anymore. He was finally free of her, free of all the heart break and pain and utter loss that came with being in love with her. He turned to face Rachel again, taking in her dress for that day. It was green and blue, and more flashbacks entered his mind. A blue bra on the floor of a pink walled room; the smell of hot chocolate; and slender fingers that had slipped into his a day previous.

"_I hope you like dancing in the rain, I'll spin you around and pull you back to me  
I sure am glad you wore that dress, it reminds me of the night that we first met  
Don't you love the evenings in July, when I'm staring at you, with my blue eyes? _

_And we could be fine. We could be fine, fine, fine."_

He repeated this three times, his playing and singing growing more aggressive and climatic with every time he sang until he stopped strumming his guitar and let himself just sing freely, his voice a little hoarse.

" _I hope you like dancing in the rain, I'll spin you around and pull you back to me  
I sure am glad you wore that dress, it reminds me of the night that we first met."_

The song finished and he looked up at everyone, who all seemed to have shocked faces, but then he heard clapping. Rachel Berry was on her feet, much to her boyfriend's annoyance, clapping vehemently while she beamed at him. Puck smiled at her, while Mr. Schue stood up and gave him a high five and told him what an explosive performance it had been.

He just sat down and felt his pocket vibrate once more. While Schue lectured on solos and duets and baritones, he pulled his phone out.

_Berry*: That was absolutely fantastic, Noah! Our duet is bound to be perfect with our combined talent. (: 4:24 p.m._

He grinned a little that she was so excited, and the fact that she wanted to win so badly. It meant she hadn't lost that piece of her. The piece that used to annoy the piss out of him seemed to be the only piece he wished that she'd never lose.

He raised his fingers to the keys once more, ignoring the glares Finn was shooting him, and typing out a message. He heard Rachel's phone vibrate and saw as she looked down at the message before smiling at the tiny screen and then turning to watch Mr. Schue once more.

_Noah: thnx, berry. youre pretty damn awesome too. 4:26 p.m._


	3. heart of mine

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has noticed this story and waited patiently for this next installment to come out. We sort of see more Noah/Rachel time and the things that will bring the release of hell that is the next chapter. So, enjoy! :D**

–

_**'all i can give'**_

_'heart of mine'_

–

Friday dawned early and very cold for Rachel Berry. She ordinarily enjoyed the coming of winter because it meant she pulled out all of her favorite sweaters and boots. It also meant all the best holidays were on their way, and if she loved anything, she loved decorating for Hanukkah, or Thanksgiving and Halloween. Her room was drafty when she finally got the nerve to step out of bed, and she winced from the chill bumps now appearing all over her body.

However a sudden thought distracted her from being cold: Noah Puckerman would be spending the entire evening with her. Alone. Also, if their previous history was accurate, when Noah and Rachel got together they couldn't keep their hands off each other. She breathed, trying to calming the butterflies in her stomach and focus on shampooing her hair. She stepped out of the shower and proceeded to fix her hair and choose her outfit for a day, she was sure, would be full of surprises.

By the time she was ready for school, Finn was sitting outside in his car, and Rachel felt her insides squirm in guilt. She hadn't remembered that Finn would want to know where she was and she seriously doubted he'd allow her to spend five hours alone with Noah. Rachel didn't want to fight with Finn anymore, it was all they ever seemed to do. So instead she pushed the feeling of guilt out of her stomach and climbed into her boyfriend's beat up Corolla.

"Morning, Rach." He said sleepy as he put the car in drive and pulled away from her familiar house. She sighed at the customary greeting and smiled slightly.

"Hello, Finn. How are you today?" She asked gently, pulling the seatbelt across her as they neared an intersection. Rachel hated car rides, they always gave her a headache for some reason. Finn's driving also didn't help the matter at all.

"Pretty awesome. I'm pumped for the first game tonight!" He said excitedly, and Rachel inwardly groaned. She had forgotten all about football games. One of the many misfortunate things of dating a quarterback was that you were expected to be at every game; rain, shine, hot, freezing, losers or winners, you'd better be there to cheer him on. She wondered briefly for the first time why Noah wasn't playing this year.

"So, are you gonna be there?" He asked, breaking into Rachel's busy, Noah filled thoughts. Instead of panicking, she relaxed into the seat. Rachel was master at the art of lying. It wasn't a skill that she was particularly proud of and she rarely used it, but it did come in handy.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you! Mercedes wants to have a girls night for Tina, because she and Artie had a fight or something, so I said I'd help." She said smoothly and cringed as she saw Finn's happy face fall.

"What- you're, you're not gonna be there? It's the first game of the year!" He said as if she was too incompetent to grasp this piece of information on her own. She resisted scoffing at him and turned with a sympathetic look.

"I know! And I feel awful, but I promised and you know I can't go back on a promise. I'll make it up to you somehow, okay? I'm just trying to fit in." She said softly. The last part was not a lie, but she always felt awful saying it aloud. She didn't even know who she was anymore some days.

"It's okay, I understand, baby." He said, kissing her temple after he parked the car slowly. She climbed out after a moment, trying not to look Finn in the eye as she grabbed her bag. Luckily he was intercepted by Mike and Matt before she had to make some excuse to go to class early.

Truth be told, she was looking forward to class for the sole purpose that she would see Noah once more. She was fully aware that she should not be so excited to see a boy that wasn't even her boyfriend, but she just didn't care anymore. Her eyes always found themselves drawn to looking for him, but when she saw him all she could do was look away.

He was already in the back of their Civics class when she arrived. His eyes were closed and he was leaning against the back of his crappy plastic desk chair. He heard her approaching though because his eyes snapped open when she sat down next to him. He didn't say anything but he did smirk at her before closing his eyes again.

"Good morning to you also, Noah." She said gently. He opened his eyes again looking genuinely bemused by her before looking back to the board.

"You too, Berry." He sighed softly as the teacher began that day's lecture on some topic that Rachel could not find interesting even if it had been taught by Barbra herself. She spent the entire class thinking about the boy to her left.

She was anxious for that night. Being alone with Noah Puckerman could be a very bad idea indeed, but it didn't scare her enough to want to cancel it all together. They also really needed to start work on their glee project. She consoled herself with thinking that the reason she wants to spend more time with Noah was because she wanted to win in glee. Like she had proven, she was an excellent liar. Even to herself.

Friday afternoon came too slowly and too fast for her. When she finally heard the bell signaling the end of the day she stood, body radiating excitement. She met Finn outside the school where he leaned down to kiss her fiercely in front of everyone in the breeze way.

"For good luck. I'll see you later!" He said excitedly, dashing off to one last weight lifting session before the 'big game.' When he had rounded the corner, Rachel pulled out her pink phone. Her fingers hit the keys rapidly so she could send the message immediately. When the screen successfully said "**SENT**" she flipped her phone shut and stood waiting for a response. She felt her hand vibrate.

**New Text Message**

_Noah: sure, crazy. i'm parked at west entrance. see you in 5. 3:05 p.m._

She smiled to herself before picking up her bag and walking towards the west wing of William McKinley. Her feet were being pushed faster by the excitement thumping throughout her veins. She could hear the pounding in her ears as she finally got to the west parking lot and saw him.

He was leaning against his truck, arms crossed over his chest almost lazily. He was smirking at her as if to say, 'you're late,' and in that moment Rachel truly knew what it felt like to have your heart completely stop for a second. She rallied herself almost at once by telling herself that she wasn't a crazy person by default. She hurried over to his truck where he proceeded to lift the bag from her slack grip and throw it on the back of his pick up.

"'Sup babe?" He asked in a tone that made Rachel fear she'd be reduced to a puddle in front of everyone. She cleared her throat and climbed into his cab.

"What? No kind greeting? You're not going to tell me how sexy my guns are?" He asked with a serious face, but she could tell he was kidding. She hit one of his aforementioned guns and he laughed a little before bringing the truck to life.

"Why aren't you playing this year?" She asked as they passed the empty football field. She had watched his eyes drifted towards the green grass and field goals with an almost longing within. His face snapped to hers as he calculated his response.

"I'm not wanted there, Berry. _I_ don't want to be a Lima loser anymore. I wanna actually _do_ something with my life other than stay in this shithole." He said vehemently his voice low but strong with passion as his eyes returned to scanning the road.

"So you want to go to college?" She voiced her curiosity calmly and he looked back at her. His expression was almost curious.

"Were you even listening, Berry? Of course I want to go to fucking college." She glared at him both for his demeaning words and his foul language. He merely chuckled before leaning across her, which made her heart thud painfully, and opened her door. They were already at her house. She blinked at him before climbing out and grabbing her bag from where he'd slung it.

"See you later, Berry." He winked and putting his truck in gear pulled away from her driveway and towards the main highway.

She walked into her always clean house, trying not to freak out. She shouldn't be feeling this way. She _couldn't _be feeling this way. All she wanted was a happy life on Broadway with Finn and their three beautiful and talented children. Now all of those ideals had been turned upside down and thrown out the window by Noah Puckerman. Rachel wasn't sure what the hell she was supposed to do anymore.

She spent the rest of her afternoon cooking her world famous sugar cookies and trying to make sure her fathers had not left any other embarrassing artifacts laying around for Noah to see. It was six before she heard the knock on the door that signaled he was there. She smoothed the layers of her white skirt while scurrying to open the door.

She wanted to see him, and she was not disappointed. There were still droplets of water in his short hair from his previous shower and she could smell the fresh cotton of his shirt as he walked by her to enter her home. Her eyes followed him as he snatched a cookie off her spotless table and made his way up her stair case, not even bothering to ask permission. Like she would have denied him anyway.

She found him on her bed, guitar in hand as he looked down at his calloused fingers playing some tune that was familiar to her. She sat next to him on her overly pink bedspread and giggled to herself as she looked around her room.

"What's so funny, Crazy?" He asked, still stroking the guitar. She smirked at him and picked up the Phantom of the Opera mask laying on her dresser.

"Didn't you try to seduce me in here once? While I was dating Jesse?" She giggled, and put the mask back down turning to look at a smirking Noah. He raised his eye brow at her, "He was a douche, Berry." It was a statement, and she couldn't exactly argue with it, seeing as she still couldn't think about baby chickens.

Suddenly he was very close to her face, his hot breath smelled like peppermint as he whispered, "Yeah, well, Berry, I can remember you _actually_ seducing me in here on several different occasions." His mouth was dangerously close to her's and if he didn't move now all of her dignity would be lost.

"_I'd sooner buy defying gravity! I think I'll try defying gravity!-"_ Rachel hastily pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled away from the boy she had been about to kiss.

**New Text Message**

_Finn: Game's about to start. Call me later? Have fun with the ladies. xo. 6:15 p.m._

How could she have forgotten about Finn? He was still her boyfriend and Noah or no, they still had made a commitment to be faithful to each other. She stood up hastily, not wanting to look her partner in the eye, feeling that if she did so she would most definitely lose her nerve.

"I've got to check on the cookies!" She cried somewhat hysterically before dashing from the room.

Her heart was pounding as she took the stairs two at a time and skidded into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, swallowing huge gasps of air as she tried to steady her heart beat. She had almost kissed Noah in her room. Again. Why on earth did this keep happening to her? Probably because she was weak willed. Instead of vomiting, which she really felt like doing, she decided to do the only other thing that could calm her down: sing.

"_Heart of mine, _

_be still._

_You can play with fire, _

_but you'll get the bill."_

She sang evenly, her mind drifting to months previous and days spent in her bedroom listening to the strains of a familiar guitar entice her. She could feel the callous hands running up and down her thighs and the chills she got when those same warm lips she'd almost met a moment ago first found hers.

"_Don't let him know;_

_don't let him know that you love him,_

_oh don't be a fool, _

_don't be blind,"_

She did love him. She loved him more than she had ever loved Finn or Jesse or any other boy that had been or ever would be. She loved him past his imperfections and flaws. She felt tears in her eyes as she spun with the realization that she was hopelessly in love with a boy who couldn't love her back.

"_Heart of mine."_

Her voice was trained to not waver when she was feeling emotional but still she could feel in slipping. She pulled herself back together by remembering the feel of gentle hands running through her long hair and whispers late at night on hidden phone calls.

"_Heart of mine,_

_go back home._

_You've got no reason to wander,_

_no reason to roam."_

She couldn't love him. It wasn't fair to Finn, he was a nice guy and he was always losing to Noah. Rachel felt an ache that she couldn't fix. She hated being so vulnerable and not being able to do anything. She hated feeling helpless.

"_Don't let him see,_

_don't let him see that you need him,_

_oh don't put yourself over the line,_

_heart of mine."_

Her eyes raked the room for some excuse to stay down stairs longer, some reason to not have to face the reality of needing or loving the boy that was sitting on a pink bed spread one story above where she now stood.

"_Heart of mine,_

_go back where you been. _

_The only trouble with you,_

_is if you let him in."_

Her eyes fell on him. He was illuminated by the kitchen light, leaning against the large white door frame. His eyes seemed to sparkle as he walked towards her, extending his hand for a dance. She couldn't even think at that point, she merely placed her hand in his. He pulled her close and leaned to whisper in her ear, _"Keep singing."_ And she didn't even want to say no.

"_Don't let him hear,_

_don't let him hear where you're goin'_

_Oh I'm tired of ties that bind,_

_heart of mine."_

She could feel his heart beat against her hand lain across his chest. Her mind was focused on the words but she could see him studying her face in a way that made her blush. It was the most intense stare anyone had given her, and Jesse had thrown some intense stares her way. This stare was different. It was full of compassion, almost admiration.

"_Heart of mine, _

_so malicious, so full of guile,_

_I give you an inch,_

_and you take a mile._

_Don't let yourself fall,_

_don't let yourself stumble._

_Oh do the time, _

_don't do the crime,_

_heart of mine."_

Her voice was loud and echoed in her kitchen, but she felt alive as she sang in his arms. It felt right. Like everything was supposed to be this way and they had just gotten side tracked along the way. Like they were supposed to be together.

"_oh heart of mine."_

She ended the song, breathing deeply and looked up to meet his eyes. He was conflicted. He wanted to do something, that much she could tell. Before she could ask, before she could even think a conscious thought, his mouth was on hers. She responded to the kiss so fiercely it knocked him into the table. All thoughts of Finn and commitments and glee were out the window as Noah Puckerman kissed her. Her soul was on fire with a passion only singing had ever made her feel.

Then his lips were gone. He was no longer holding her and she looked up, trying to find him. He had stepped back from her. His face was torn.

"I'm sorry, Rachel, but I had to do it just once." He whispered in a voice that made her heart break. He turned to walk out, and she didn't find it within herself to follow him. She felt her hand vibrate.

**New Text Message**

_Finn: We lost by six points. Call me tomorrow! Love you, night. 8:04 p.m._

It was only as she read Finn's text that she realized something important.

He had called her Rachel.


	4. half of my heart

**A/N: So, here we have chapter five, which I totally meant to get out like two days ago but I've been too sick to stand up, let alone do Puckleberry justice. So here you are, the chapter in which all the shit hits the fan. I do hope you enjoy! I made it extra long, nearly 5,000 words :) **

**Also, just to clarify, there will be one more installment after this, featuring all the duos and Rachel and Noah's resolution :)**

**Also-also: I am so sorry I made Finn a giant douche bucket in this chapter, but it was so much fun. I actually love Finn, really, but for the story's sake, it had to be done. Be gentle.**

–

_**'all i can give'**_

_'half of my heart'_

–

Six a.m. always came too fucking early for Puck, in fact if it wasn't for a crazy brunette he wouldn't even bother with going to school anymore. He hated the whole idea of school. He knew what he was good at, and he knew how to do it, so what the hell was the point of sitting in some lame class for eight hours as the teachers pounded pointless facts into their brains? There wasn't a point to it.

He rolled out of bed before his mom could come in with her usual routine of telling him to get the hell up and take Becca to school. He guessed his mom thought he was either too far gone or too damn stubborn to force him to do anything anymore. He wanted more for Becca than for himself, because every time he looked at the little girl with dark hair and blue eyes all he could see was his own beautiful daughter and all the the things he had wanted for her. All the things that he could never even dream of giving her.

He shook his head as the warm water caressed his tight muscles, trying to focus on anything that had nothing to do with babies. But his mind kept straying back to Berry and the fact that he would have to see her today, whether he liked it or not.

Why the fuck had he wanted to kiss her? Why did he always have to complicate beyond shit? He didn't really have an answer for either question unless it was just because some karmic god hated the shit out of him. He rolled his eyes as he stepped out of the warm shower into the cooler air of the bathroom. He didn't bother with his hair; he wasn't fucking Hummel. He still had some balls that Quinn didn't completely destroy.

Rachel hadn't called or text him once all weekend- and he wasn't sure if he had wanted her to or not. Not like it mattered, he didn't give a damn what Rachel Berry did or didn't do. She could go have loud retarded babies with Finn Hudson for all he cared.

Within fifteen minutes he had drug his little sister outside, who was kicking and screaming like every other morning, and had his truck in gear, pulling away from the curb running along side his house. It was too foggy out and he was filled with something that felt like nerves. He didn't like that feeling at all.

"See you later, midget. Don't do drugs." He said, basically pushing his sister out of his truck. She scowled at him, before turning to enter her middle school. He smirked at her easy irritation. Must be genetics or whatever.

It was the longest drive he could ever remember. Really the middle school and high school were only across town from each other- which was stupid as fuck- but still. He switched on his radio, only half listening.

"_I know the moment isn't right to tell the girl a comical line, to keep the conversation light. I guess I'm just frightened out of my mind. But if that's how I feel, then it's the best feeling I've ever known. It's undeniably real... leave a tender moment alone."_

Puck switched the radio off angrily. What the fuck did Billy Joel know any way? And why did that song remind him of Rachel Berry? He didn't love her. He _couldn't_ love her. She was crazy, and incredibly irritating, and feisty, and sort of beautiful, and a whole lot of amazing for such a small body.

Oh my god. He was in love with her. He was head over heels for fucking Rachel Berry. What the hell? Why had he not noticed this happen? How long ago had this happened? Why had this happened? It was making his head hurt to think about it so much.

But he already knew the answer to all those questions anyway; it had started from the moment she massaged the cold chunks of slushy out of his mohawk with such care he would have thought she was an angel. It was the moment she asked to be in 'Run Joey Run' with her, because she was such a badass herself. She was a pretty awesome chick; he just wished he had realized that sooner.

Without really consciously realizing it, he had pulled into a parking space at the school, his breath now fogging the window pane as he looked across the football field, remembering the dream he had given up when he walked past the roster in the hallway to sign up for the next season. He wanted to prove that he didn't always just think with his dick for once. He just wanted to be taken seriously.

He sort of wished that he didn't have to get out of his truck and face the rest of the world. As the prophet Jagger had once said, 'You can't always get what you want.' _How true was that?_ He thought bitterly as he pushed the door to the high school open, feeling it's weight exert force on his shoulder. He ignored the slamming sound it made behind him.

God must've hated him, because the first thing he saw when he managed to get to his locker was Finn kissing Rachel goodbye for that morning. Puck just rolled his eyes and pretended he didn't care that Hudson was kissing lips that should have belonged to him a long time ago. Life was so damn unfair and it sucked majorly.

For some reason he just _knew_ she was going to look at it him. It was like his fucking sixth sense- to know what Rachel Berry was doing. He knew that her eyes would be drawn to his once her lumbering oaf of a boyfriend had made his way to Tech Math.

Sure enough, once he looked up he found an all too familiar set of of brown eyes watching him curiously. When she noticed that he was watching her and well aware that she was watching him, she dropped her gaze quickly, pushing past two freshman girls to get to her first period. She seemed to have forgotten that they shared that class, which caused him to smile in spite of himself.

He saw her eyes bulge as he walked into the room and had to restrain himself from chuckling. She even leaned over in her seat as he sat next to her. He made a point to sniff his underarms to the point where she could see, and he could swear he could see her smile as Mr. Schue started that days class on conjugating verbs in the past tense.

For the most part he didn't mind Spanish, it was an easy A and Schuester really did love him, even if it was a sort of begrudged sort of love. Still, it was a class he could pass in his sleep so he wasn't gonna be complaining about it any time soon. In fact, he leaned back in his seat and pretended to not watch Berry's boobs as she bobbed up in down to answer Mr. Schue's questions. Chick was such a know it all.

When the bell rang signaling the end of class, he watched Rachel rush out the door, and when he sauntered past her, he saw the crestfallen expression on her face because Finn wasn't waiting for her. Well, it was about time girls realized how much he was not a knight in shinning armor or a fucking Prince Charming.

In fact he saw Davis walking up the hall, cherry slushy in hand, and Puck elbowed a freshman into him so he was knocked off balance and an unobservant Rachel could walk by with out even realizing she was almost covered in red slush. Yeah, he was way more a fucking knight then Finn Hudson could ever hope to be.

He faltered for a moment when he saw a familiar blond in a red cheerleading outfit walk back. The once magnificent Quinn Fabray threw her head back into a laugh and he realized how much he didn't feel anything towards her. Just a numbness, sort of like remembering a favorite toy he'd lost and forgotten he'd lost it. Her eyes flicked to his for a second and they understood each other.

"_We aren't meant for each other."_

With that he moved towards the cafeteria, his stomach rumbling. He loved having early lunch, that meant he got all the good shit. Plus the old lunch ladies totally dug him and he got free extras whenever he wanted. Only one of the perks of his previous, but not forgotten, badassness.

"Dude, Finn Hudson's in there freaking out on his freak of a girlfriend, Cherry, or whatever her name is!" It was a sophomore's voice that exclaimed this, and he was gone before Puck could interrogate the shit out of the asshole.

Instead he made his way to the cafeteria quicker than he ever had before, telling people to get the fuck out of his way and pushing his way through the crowd. The force of his shoves pushing people to the ground, he finally pushed to near the center of the crowded cafeteria.

"Finn, I don't know what you're so upset about." Rachel's voice was calm, but he could hear her embarrassment and hurt as Finn stepped closer to her.

"You don't- I talked to Tina, okay Rachel! Your little 'girls night' never happened! She spent the night with her cousin Friday." Oh shit. This was not a good sign.

Puck spotted Tina, who looked genuinely upset that Rachel was getting publicly humiliated because she hadn't thought to lie to him. Mike was squeezing her hand as she leaned into him, her eyes puffy from guilt.

"Finn, okay I'm sorry. I lied to you, but I had to! You wouldn't have let me do what I wanted..." She said, her voice full of tears while she pleaded with her boyfriend, who looked like he might throw something at any second.

"What were you doing that was so important you had to lie about it?" He asked angrily, glaring at the tiny, terrified girl in front of him.

"Noah and I were working on our glee assignment, if you must know." She said very quickly, voice a little stronger.

Somehow, every eye near him managed to find him and was watching him intently. He glared at them all until they looked back to the couple, who's relationship seemed to be falling apart right in front of their very eyes.

"You were with Puck? What the hell, Rachel? Why him?" He asked quickly, a little hurt creeping into his own voice.

"We're glee partners, Finn! We have to practice!" She snapped back, her obvious irritation with his deductive reasoning, (or lack thereof), making Puck want to laugh.

"Okay, okay. If that's all that happened, just.. promise me nothing happened." Finn said, voice a little challenging.

Well, it was over. Puck knew that Rachel Berry, while a good liar, couldn't lie about something that big to her boyfriend. He could swear he saw her look to where he stood before her eyes welled up with tears and she started crying. Finn was obviously pissed as hell and on the verge of crying himself while he looked down at her.

"What the hell, Rachel?" He said again, "I thought you were different than Quinn... I thought you wanted to be with me. I thought you loved me." He sneered at her, digging the knife in deeper, "Now you're acting just like she did! Just like a whore or something." Puck knew he had gone too far with that statement and pushed himself from the crowd angrily.

"Quit being a fucking asshole, Hudson." He said, placing himself in between Berry and frankenteen, shielding her from him. "Don't blame the fact that you can't control your girlfriend's life on her. She's allowed to see whoever the _fuck_ she wants." He shouted over Finn's protests, "You're being a complete dick by humiliating her in front of everyone. Leave her the hell alone and man up. _I _kissed her, so it's my fault. It would be in your best interest to shut the fuck up." He snapped, pushing Finn back.

He briefly noticed Rachel brush his back with her fingertips and knew she was leaving the room. He could hear her sobbing.

"Oh, and if you ever call her a whore again or compare her to Quinn fucking Fabray, I will make sure I causebrain damage, as if you needed that." He said, pushing off of Finn, his veins pulsing with hate for the dude in front of him.

He knew it was going to happen before he saw Finn raise his fist; before he had finished speaking; hell, before he'd even started speaking. That didn't mean he was fully prepared for Finn's fist to connect with his jaw. The only logical response his brain could process was to raise his own fist and hit Finn in the gut. The next thing he knew they were both on the ground beating the shit out of each other before Mike's rough hands were pulling him up.

"If you get caught fighting again, both your asses will be expelled and glee will be complete shit." He hissed to them as Matt held Finn back. Puck just nodded and wiped the blood from his cheek, silently thanking Matt before taking off out the emergency exit.

He was still so angry that he could hear the blood rushing through his ears. His heart was literally jumping out of his chest because of adrenaline. He never thought he could hate anyone more than his fucking dead beat dad, but as he thought of Finn calling Rachel a whore, he was pretty sure it was a neck and neck competition.

Rachel was probably the furthest thing from a whore you could ever possibly find. She was too nice to be a slut, not to mention way too fucking weird. It took a special kind of dude to want to bed that kind of crazy.

_A dude like me_. He thought it before he could stop himself. It was true though, she was one sexy girl when she wanted to be. However, something caught his eye before he could reflect on how pussy whipped he was by Berry now.

It was a small girl. Her hair was platinum blond, almost white and her big blue eyes stared up at him as she held her father's hand. It was just like a vision from the future that could have been. Beth was sure to look almost like that small girl, her smile wide like her mother's and her eyes deep. She was the most beautiful little girl he'd ever seen.

He shook his head, the pain in his chest calming the roaring in his ears. She smiled up at him and he couldn't stop himself from smiling just as brightly at her. It was probably weird, the only people to ever see him smile were his mom, sister, Finn, and now Rachel. He didn't like smiling, it felt really weird on the rare occasions he did.

He was to his truck before he registered he had actually walked around the entire school. He felt kind of stupid and like a vagina when he realized he had hoped that Rachel would be waiting for him, and even more dumb when he was disappointed that she wasn't. He cursed under his breath and got in his truck, making his way back home. He switched the radio on again.

"_There might have been a time I would give myself away. Once upon a time I didn't give a damn, but now we are here. So whatdya want from me? Yeah, it's plain to see, that, baby, you're beautiful. There's nothing wrong with you- It's me, I'm a freak."_

What the fuck was up with the radio today? Why couldn't they play something that didn't make him feel like a) shit or b) a complete pussy. He punched the power button again, irritatedly pulling his truck into his drive, well aware he was home two hours early.

The walk to his bedroom literally seemed to take a week. He felt like just flinging himself down on a kitchen at this point. Rachel probably hated him too, probably blamed him for embarrassing her. In fact, she was probably back in wonderful Finn's arms right now. God he hoped she wasn't that stupid, he would be really disappointed in her.

He did the only thing he could really think of doing: grabbed his guitar and began stroking a tune that he had stuck in his head for weeks.

"_I was born in the arms of imaginary friends  
free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been  
then you come crashing in, like the realest thing  
trying my best to understand all that your love can bring"_

His whole entire life had been one unstable foundation after another- his parents, his friends, everything he ever loved had just ended up being completely fake. From a small age all he knew to do was to keep surviving and to survive no matter what it took. No matter how many broken noses, no matter how much humiliation he caused; _he still had to survive._ He didn't really give a shit about anything until he heard that annoying little voice in glee. Even though she made him want to set himself on fire he could still see she was full of pure passion.

He could never even try to understand her, she was so damn complicated. More than any girl ever needed to be. She had so much to fight against, but she came in that fucking chorus room with a smile on her face everyday. It sort of made anyone who didn't wanna be there feel like complete and utter shit, but in a good way. Her heart was big and she plainly wore on her sleeve like the moronic girl she was.

"_Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation  
half of my heart takes time  
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you  
that I can't keep loving you, can't keep loving you  
oh, with half of my heart"_

His voice bounced off the walls, with the pain of realizing that he never, ever gave anything his all. With football he's always half assed it because he hated the fucking sport, it just made him angrier that he was a bigger loser with football than without. He didn't even give his all to his own fucking kid, allowing her to be taken away from him without even kissing her once.

And he especially didn't give his all to chicks. Santana was always just a fuck, considering how damn bitchy could be. Quinn was of course some huge fucking tornado that swept in and tried to kill him. If she hadn't been carrying his kid, he probably would've ripped her head off. Rachel was different, though. He didn't deserve her, he shouldn't love her, but he couldn't stop himself. She was just all there was for him anymore.

"_I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else  
I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself  
lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came  
Showing me another way and all that my love can bring"_

For all he said about not caring about Quinn or Beth, they had both done a great job of fucking him up. He had never for a second thought there could be anyone else out in the world for him but those two girls. Now he faced the reality that the one for him was the complete opposite. She was brunette and short as hell with a voice that could, in fact, shatter glass. She was different kind of fierce- like the kind that would throw dictionaries at people instead of slushies.

"_Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation  
half of my heart takes time  
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you  
that I can't keep loving you, can't keep loving you  
oh, with half of my heart"_

He wondered what Rachel was thinking. What did she want? Half of him wanted her to want him and the other half wanted to tell her to just run for her fucking life if she even knew what was good for her at all.

"_Your faith is strong  
but I can only fall short for so long  
Down the road, later on  
you will hate that _

_I never gave more to you than _

_half of my heart"_

He meant it too. Even if Rachel did want him, it wouldn't be fair. He would hate himself forever if she fell in love with him and he couldn't ever love her as much as she loved him. Rachel deserved so much more than that. So much more than him.

If he hadn't looked to the doorframe he would have never noticed her standing there, eyes closed as she leaned against the blue door. She was humming to the tune and he knew that the worst thing in the world he could would be to stop playing.

"_But I can't stop loving you  
_**I can't stop loving you **

_But I can't stop loving you  
_**I can't stop loving you **

_But I can't stop loving you  
but I can't stop loving you with half of my heart."_

Her voice was mixing with his as she opened her eyes, watching him play intently, before walking towards him, making his heart speed up with every step she took towards him. She was going to get to close again and he definitely wouldn't be able to stop himself once she was that close, no he definitely wouldn't be able to stop.

"_Half of my heart's got a real good imagination  
half of my heart's got you  
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you  
that half of my heart won't do"_

She sat next to him, as he gazed at her, her knee brushing his, causing him to scoot towards her, so that her warmth would soak through his jeans against his thigh.

"_Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring  
and half of my heart is the part of a man who's never truly loved anything"_

What was worse was that as he sang this line of complete and utter truth, he felt one tear roll down his face. Unfortunately she had not missed this and picked up her hand to stroke his cheek with her thumb, pushing the tear off his face and his fear of being so close to her to the back of his mind.

"_Oh half of my heart..."_

His voice faded out of the tiny room as he turned to look at her, the question blazing in his throat while she smiled at him.

"I skipped math." She answered simply. It actually might have been the most simplistic answer Rachel Berry had ever given. She seemed almost...nervous. Her eyes were darting around the room an he watched her leg bounce up and down.

"Why?" He asked bluntly.

She seemed to suck in a huge breath before beginning, "Because I wanted to thank you for defending my honor against that giant jerk that used to be my boyfriend. I realize that it can't have been the most pleasant experience in the world to stand up to him in front of everyone but I wanted to make sure that you know that I expressed my gratitu-" God, what was with her and talking, it's like that was all her beautiful mouth even knew what to do.

"Berry," He snapped, cutting across her, "Speak English." He ordered, stopping her in her tracks.

She looked at him for a moment, her hands twisting in her lap, a small grimace on her face as she watched the floor. Her whole body seemed stiff until she raised the courage to look up at him, her eyes bright as one of the shining stars she adored. She proceeded to open her mouth for once speaking in plain English:

"_Noah, I love you."_


End file.
